He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
