So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
