So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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