she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I could fuck to npr.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
do nipples grow back?
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