I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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