She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
