My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
