I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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