it's too hot outside to masturbate.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize