Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
