we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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