i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
