Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
