Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
