My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
as a side note pls kill me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
