I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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