How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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