New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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