I feel great
I just peed on a car
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At least life still wants to fuck me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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