I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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