In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
