After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Come share oat with me in your robe
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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