I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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