Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
