the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize