I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think im going to throw up on grandma
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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