we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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