So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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