so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
