I got chris browned last night
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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