At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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