Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This toilet bowl is my home.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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