I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
