Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
