That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
