We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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