We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I want a musical about memes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
