chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
