just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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