just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
