I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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