I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
