really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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