he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize