I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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