my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
