I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
