we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
