it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize