Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
