I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We need a shit load of segways right now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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