I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
