sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
