Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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