shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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