Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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