So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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