they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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