We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
