Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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