Pappa wants mamma naked
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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