So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
