we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
