He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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