i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
