Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
