Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
