Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
