when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I did not marry a roomba.
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